We sat down with one of our holiday gift boxes to talk about working out, reincarnation and finding "the one."
CARDINAL: First off, thanks for making time for us. This is a busy time of year for you, right?
GIFT BOX: Yeah, yeah. No problem, man. You know, it's a funny time of year, because every day I think about how one minute I'm here, and the next, I could be gone. Really makes you think about object permanence and all that stuff. Sorry, didn't mean to get existential so fast.
That's OK. Let's lighten the mood. You're so sturdy. Do you work out?
Oh man, I hate answering this question because it makes me look like such a jerk! I actually do not work out.
What! What's your secret?
Thank you for the compliment though, really. I have to give a ton of credit to my manufacturer, Columbus Container Corp., it's uh, it's right nearby actually, in Columbus, Ind. I was made really well from the start, so I don't need a lot of maintenance.
If you could have a drink with anyone, living or deceased, who would it be?
Probably the person who invented Tetris.
Let's talk goals. What's yours? You want to go home with someone?
Yeah, don't we all? (Laughter.) But, yeah, definitely just waiting for that moment when I click with the right person. I have a friend — she's a Moscow Mule gift box, actually — and she's always telling me I have to be in the right place at the right time. That it's all timing. It's actually the last thing she said to me before she went home with someone. So, like, I know it'll happen. Maybe it's someone who is reading this right now.
And what would you say to that person?
Um ... this is tough! It's hard to talk about yourself. But, OK. I'm an incredible value. Ounce for ounce, I'm a better deal than if you were to buy all these spirits a la carte. My spirits are Vodka, Coffee Liqueur and Flora, which is just a really nice mix. The vodka is incredibly smooth, the Coffee Liqueur has a wonderful, robust coffee flavor and is a no-brainer around the holidays, and then there's Flora, which is a lovely, floral-berry liqueur. And the bottles are half the size of the regular bottles around here, so it's like a sampler. People walk up to me all the time and are like, "OMG, soooo cute."
Do you believe in reincarnation?
Oh yeah, for sure. I've been a ton of boxes since the '70s.
Great to be born in the era of recycling, huh?
Amen to that.
What kind of box do you think you'll be in your next life?
I mean, if I'm being honest? Probably an Amazon box. But I think it could be fun to be a box of chocolates. Like a Whitman's sampler or something. We'll see. Flaps crossed.